Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
