i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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