So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
