i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
