I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
