i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
