i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
