he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
