I need to stop coming to work sober
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
