Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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