I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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