Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
