last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
