Im at strip club and am horny
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
