would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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