did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
