please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
