So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
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Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What a dumb baby whore.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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