I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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