She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
