I wish I could teleport
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize