I intend to get homeless drunk
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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