Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
