i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
