He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
