In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
