I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
