Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
