My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
