Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
