seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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