Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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