well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
God, I missed his penis.
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