We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im part way to drunk.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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