hotel room ftw
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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