The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I need to calm my uterus...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
