Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
