could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
