i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just high enough for therapy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
