hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
