Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
