It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
