i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We talked him into tasing himself.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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