It was confusing and full of hummus
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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