so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
