at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I need water and some morals
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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