Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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