He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
