He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
