We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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