I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize