they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i've created a new STD.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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