I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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