I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
