Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
