I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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