Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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