Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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