he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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