I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
