When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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