Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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