My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
