I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
