I met the friendliest cop last night
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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