I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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