He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
