Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
