Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
