That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
