Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
