So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
