How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
