I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize