Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
