Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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