Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
