the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
