I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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