You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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