Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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