she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
