a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
